A Dream within a Dream (Pt. 2)

Has it really been a whole year since I've last blogged?

That's not to say life is always generous with time, but I do feel that something has been misplaced. Along with it are good conversations with a friend or two over pasta and salad, tinkering with guitar parts and making anew in a cold wintery morning with a fresh brewed coffee, long sleeps followed by a day in pajamas, and admiring a Mondrian piece at a gallery or simply floating about James Turrell's spaces. Not all were opportunities available to me, but unfortunately, I admit I have neglected a few. I find consolidations in thinking, 'Yes, I could do worse.' Yet, I know many people, who make the best of their time, applying themselves to things they believe. I know few who find joy and meaning in science. I know a friend who makes it a mission to travel whenever possible and experience different cultures. I know a buddy who believes it's worthwhile to play the numbers game in finances, everyday. As naive as I may be, I think there is nothing more exhilarating than a purpose-driven life full of vigor. While they may be different amongst my friends, and everybody, I'm akin to think what I believe is a choice. As if it's mine and I possess these beliefs. They're as personal as my scars. It's a beautiful thing, I'd say. But, time seems to run counter. Of time, of place, of memories, of existence, and of being, they're all lost in the end. I'm finite and I couldn't possibly claim time, however small of a fraction it may be.

I wonder, with a sense of disquiet, where do they go? And more importantly, who does it belong to?

A Dream within a Dream

By Edward Allan Poe

Merry Halloween!

Plenty of Fish

INT. CAFETERIA - DAY

Jake enters the cafeteria. Ryan, his friend, is sitting alone. His notes, laptop, and lunch are simultaneously sprawled across the table. Ryan is typing away.

Jake: (spotting Ryan) Hey.

Ryan: Dude! What the hell, man. Why weren't you at class?

Jake: Um, I just woke up.

Ryan: (glances his watch) It's one. PM. Wednesday.

Jake: Uh, yea. Sorry.

Ryan: Whatevs. (discontent) If you hurry they might still have a sub or a slice right now. Unless you want the soup. Nobody wants that shit though.

Jake: I'm good.

Ryan: You probably need the notes, right? Hold on. I gotta finish this.

Jake: Actually (cuts himself off).

Ryan resumes typing. Jake sits himself, pulls out his water and takes a sip. A minute or two passes. Ryan stops, lowers his laptop screen, grabs his half-eaten lunch and begins munching.

Ryan: Long night?

Jake: She broke up with me.

Ryan: (stops chewing) When?

Jake: Last night.

Ryan: I'm sorry, man.

Jake: Yea.

Ryan: You okay?

Jake: Uh huh, I think so.

Ryan: Why did she break up with you?

Jake: I don't know.

Ryan: She didn't say?

Jake: Well, she said I was the right guy but at the wrong time.

Ryan: What the fuck does that mean?

Jake: I don't know.

Ryan: (chewing again) That's messed up.

Jake: Yea, maybe.

A moment admits.

Ryan: Cheer up dude, there's plenty of fish in the sea.

Jake: Uh, what? No. I don't want another fish.

Ryan: It's a big sea. You never know.

Jake: No, don't give me that bullshit. That's not how it works, and you know it. If your copy of 'Halo' broke and I told you, "It's OK, there are other games in the sea. Here, play 'COD' instead." What would you say? You'd be like, "Fuck that, give me my 'Halo'." There is no other fish.

Ryan is speechless.

Ryan: (murmurs) Wow.

Jake: That's what I thought.

Ryan: That is some next-level, I don't even know what to call it.

Jake: (sighes; pausing) Yea. I wouldn't mind playing 'Mass Effect' though. I read some good reviews.

Ryan: Wait, is the analogy still on? Because, you know, who's 'Mass Effect'?

Jake: Shut up. You know what I mean.

Note: This post was inspired by a 9gag entry I saw a while back.

Thought Ink

What to write. What to write? I could post those black and white photographs I've taken from Toronto and New York a while back. No, no. That's too easy. Picture is worth thousand words. One click. Thousand words. It's too easy. Curious though, I bet that phrase came along the same time the film photography was first invented. It took hours and even days to develop a single slide. So, with the selection process and timely consuming efforts needed, that phrase might have adequately matched the weight of thousand words and a single photo. But maybe not these days. Pictures are more costly in information, too. Photo comes in units of megabytes. Thousand words? Tens of bytes at most. Anyways, I'm getting side-tracked.

What to write?

Fashion? Spring is at the peak, and summer's nearing. It'd be perfect. I shall call it "A Study in Cotton". I mean, nearly everything is made of cotton in summer. Perhaps, save for sporting gears. But that's utility, not fashion. Or is it? Hmm. How about "Muse"? And just post pictures that I liked from fashion blogs. Something colourful and whimsical. But then again, I never do whimsical. That doesn't really grab my attention for long. I might even start disliking it after few hours. Anything from my previously abandoned posts? Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle. Well, what about that depressive note you wrote months back but never posted because - wait, I can't remember why I didn't post this. I mean, it's not terrible. It's not frighteningly dark. Oh, right! It's too abstract. That was the reason. "The mountains were high. It was a starless night. Wonders unseen and gone." What does that mean? Even I'm not too sure. Ok, next? How about "The Curious Interpretations of Reality?" I think that was the post reviewing and listing my top favorite documentary films. Hold on. Ah, crap. I still have to watch "The Cove". Those poor dolphins and evil Japanese fishermen. Okay, never mind. Anything else?

Argh! What to write!?

It's like there's a massive roadblock in my head. Well, better smash it with my thought train. Hopefully, there's nobody onboard. Wait, who's driving the train, then? Is it me? Am I going to survive? Well, you have so far, haven't you? That's true. I will be fine, I think. Technically, I don't think it's possible to project yourself into someone, or something, in your thoughts. People do engage in meta-thinking. Yes, they do! But, the subject and the object of thoughts are always ourselves. It'd be nuts if you were assessing your thoughts on someone else's thoughts in your own head! What if you could dream that? Haha. Even "Inception" wasn't that crazy. It'd definitely be a cool dream though. Okay, stop. Just let it come to you. Breathe. Silence.

Silence. You're doing it well.

Silence. Donut! Ah, damn it! Am I hungry? I think I am. I'm salivating. Or, is that just milk? No, it's much more viscous. Yea, definitely salivating. It's the donuts I bought this afternoon. Well, there're still several left and they're sitting on the kitchen table right now. So, just finish this post and go eat! There's my motivator. But, do you think people will think I'm nuts when they read this? Well, you could certainly come off a little odd. And weird. But, who cares? Clickity-click. Posted! Done!

Donuts > People.

"Untitled" by Cy Twombly (1970)