Life Pending

Have you ever jumped off a building only to be glaring at the darkness beneath you? And for a moment, you were unsure whether you were flying or falling?

Of course you haven't. Otherwise you couldn't be reading my blog. But the point is I seem to phase in and out of that feeling nowadays. And sometimes I catch myself thinking 'This is it!'. Or perhaps in desperation, 'If this doesn't work, then what?' But of course, nothing is ever 'it' nor will anything that wasn't intended to work will work in the end. Rather, on the flip-side of that is it means everything is 'it' and everything that was intended to work will work in the end. And I do believe that, but I am still just a human being. So it's easy to feel as though my heart would collapse if all my efforts went to waste.

I daydream these days about leaving Earth and starting my own civilization in Mars.

I can't wait till I'm done.